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2024-05-10 00:16
i want somthing to change
i need cange or somthing i'm not sure
there was this cool scene i came across today
there's a section of the ditch/creek where the train tracks and road cross side by side
inbewteen them is a very cool and sirean area, a lagoon?
a person was playing some old music down there
it echoed off the water
off the bottoms of the road and the rail-road bridge
off the sides of the ditch
he was throwing rocks into the water, standing on the patches of grass
used a long pole to poke at the water (a monks walking stick i thought)
i wanted to say hi
but i couldn't
well i did say hi, but then imeadietly walked away
i wated to hang out with him
the beutiful echoy chuoir music
the water, rocks and dirt
i imaged doing all that
but couldn't tell him how cool i thought what he was doing was
hmmm, i duno what to do with my life
i know what i don't want to do with it
i've been listeing to the audio drama Find Us Alive alot latlly
i find it so comforting, so beutiful
i listened to alot of Adventures in Odessy as a kid mabye that's why
i hope not
guna try a new recipie tomarrow perhapes
i think it could be fun
anyways, goodnight :)
20240508
somthing strange happened today
i was at my brothers galla/prom party asper the family outing
the venue was a large golf corse and club type deal
tall ceilings, fancy tables, everyone's wearing fancy cloths
i sit at the table for a while with my fam
we watch the slideshow
im reminded of my seinor year, my class
because it remenined me or becasue i expected it to?
i miss seeing hem every day
i play solitare with my brohter
my grandparents leave for the night, its there bed time
i see a firend from sinor year
i dont say hi and avoid eye contact at all costs
its dark now outside
the dance music has begun, its uncomfortibly loud
i go outside
i walk around the building and find a place hidden from the rain
im in the utilities section?
we have the ac unit, the heater
a truck trailer entrance
trash and receeling bins
and points of contact for water and gas mains
there is some good electrionic hum back here
its quiet and the rain is misty
the lights are golden yellow
i stand in the corner
there were alot of people in that room
i go back and tell the fam im guna go walk to the lake
beetween the venue and the lake is the rolling hills of the golf course
i walk down the sidewalks ment for the golf carts
its dark
the ground is wet
i see the glow of large houses around the lake
the hills feel unatural
schreached into unatural positions if that makes sence
on one hill i look out over the lake
why?
why all these houses?
all these lit up places?
so much electricity
i walk down the incline that surounds the lake
the inlcine is made of patchy whatevers
grass, bush, dirt
down by the lake shore i hear the water now
there are some dark bushes too my left
i take a pee cause i don't want to go all the way back
its dark
it smells of wind and cold rain
of green plants
of wet dirt
the grass wissles and clicks with the wind
in the distance i see two dark monoliths, just infront of the lit up intersection
what are those? some strange art piece?
i make my way back, fealing extreamly unfit and out of place for the party
was it fun?
i thought about people i wanted to see more
about how i have a job i hate to the core
how i stay locked up in the dark of computers and basements?
how i wanted to help firends go camping
how people drift apart when you dont see eachother every day
ill put it here i guess
i heard somwhere that
friends are the people you see ever now and then
family is the people you see ever day
i wonder if thats true
i want to reduce
i want trees to sing the wishppering song of a stream at night
concetion
deap conection and deep meaning
the viseral atachment of nature
the unbarible greeness of reality
the beuty of rain at night i guess
20240201
there are a bunch of videos on linux
all hosted by well to do white middle aged men
maybe i'll just stick with windows...
i was going to try switching to linux to free up brain space
it just ended up taking up more
mabye once suport for windows 10 stops i'll switch
i duno... technoligy is so unstable
i miss windows 7 i guess
nostalgaholic or somthin i guess
i just want somthing that works
somthing that doesn't need to be thought about
20240130
what died so we can watch tv
what died so we ware these pants
what died so we can ride these bikes
what died so i have the time to think like this
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