..\ 2024-05-10 00:16 i want somthing to change i need cange or somthing i'm not sure there was this cool scene i came across today there's a section of the ditch/creek where the train tracks and road cross side by side inbewteen them is a very cool and sirean area, a lagoon? a person was playing some old music down there it echoed off the water off the bottoms of the road and the rail-road bridge off the sides of the ditch he was throwing rocks into the water, standing on the patches of grass used a long pole to poke at the water (a monks walking stick i thought) i wanted to say hi but i couldn't well i did say hi, but then imeadietly walked away i wated to hang out with him the beutiful echoy chuoir music the water, rocks and dirt i imaged doing all that but couldn't tell him how cool i thought what he was doing was hmmm, i duno what to do with my life i know what i don't want to do with it i've been listeing to the audio drama Find Us Alive alot latlly i find it so comforting, so beutiful i listened to alot of Adventures in Odessy as a kid mabye that's why i hope not guna try a new recipie tomarrow perhapes i think it could be fun anyways, goodnight :) 20240508 somthing strange happened today i was at my brothers galla/prom party asper the family outing the venue was a large golf corse and club type deal tall ceilings, fancy tables, everyone's wearing fancy cloths i sit at the table for a while with my fam we watch the slideshow im reminded of my seinor year, my class because it remenined me or becasue i expected it to? i miss seeing hem every day i play solitare with my brohter my grandparents leave for the night, its there bed time i see a firend from sinor year i dont say hi and avoid eye contact at all costs its dark now outside the dance music has begun, its uncomfortibly loud i go outside i walk around the building and find a place hidden from the rain im in the utilities section? we have the ac unit, the heater a truck trailer entrance trash and receeling bins and points of contact for water and gas mains there is some good electrionic hum back here its quiet and the rain is misty the lights are golden yellow i stand in the corner there were alot of people in that room i go back and tell the fam im guna go walk to the lake beetween the venue and the lake is the rolling hills of the golf course i walk down the sidewalks ment for the golf carts its dark the ground is wet i see the glow of large houses around the lake the hills feel unatural schreached into unatural positions if that makes sence on one hill i look out over the lake why? why all these houses? all these lit up places? so much electricity i walk down the incline that surounds the lake the inlcine is made of patchy whatevers grass, bush, dirt down by the lake shore i hear the water now there are some dark bushes too my left i take a pee cause i don't want to go all the way back its dark it smells of wind and cold rain of green plants of wet dirt the grass wissles and clicks with the wind in the distance i see two dark monoliths, just infront of the lit up intersection what are those? some strange art piece? i make my way back, fealing extreamly unfit and out of place for the party was it fun? i thought about people i wanted to see more about how i have a job i hate to the core how i stay locked up in the dark of computers and basements? how i wanted to help firends go camping how people drift apart when you dont see eachother every day ill put it here i guess i heard somwhere that friends are the people you see ever now and then family is the people you see ever day i wonder if thats true i want to reduce i want trees to sing the wishppering song of a stream at night concetion deap conection and deep meaning the viseral atachment of nature the unbarible greeness of reality the beuty of rain at night i guess 20240201 there are a bunch of videos on linux all hosted by well to do white middle aged men maybe i'll just stick with windows... i was going to try switching to linux to free up brain space it just ended up taking up more mabye once suport for windows 10 stops i'll switch i duno... technoligy is so unstable i miss windows 7 i guess nostalgaholic or somthin i guess i just want somthing that works somthing that doesn't need to be thought about 20240130 what died so we can watch tv what died so we ware these pants what died so we can ride these bikes what died so i have the time to think like this archived logs -> 2023